Just do your best

I'm going to see my Chinese physician later to get some 'bou' (in hokkien- herbs or medicine to give energy for better health). Mum insisted that I should go because lately I get tired or exhausted easily. And I experience short 'blackout' quite often ( as in 'o am hin' in hokkien). Whenever I bend down and stand up suddenly or bend my head down too long for reading, I get the dizziness or 'blackout' effect. Mum's worried that I might faint on my BIG day. During my last visit, my blood pressure measurement was like 90/50 (normal being 120/80). According to him, that's why I get exhausted easily. But I guess being not able to sleep good also contributes to this.

Lately although I don't 'seem' to feel stressful or what, there's always something in my mind that keeps me from having sound sleeps. I think it arises from the fact that our group is not getting any funding this year + I have not produced enough so far to get me to complete my PhD in time. No funding means no purchase of research items to conduct experiments which in the end means no sufficient data to write up my work. During our last lab meeting just few days ago, boss told me to not pressurise myself into finishing within 3 years time. I told myself 'let's make it 4 years' but then one undeniable fact is that my scholarship will end early next year and there's no funding to pay my stipends. But most importantly is how do I carry out experiments if there's no $$$ to buy items even if I'm willing to survive on my own savings (if there's any...)?????????????

I know these are factors out of my control. What I can do now is to FOCUS on myself and leave those things behind. But knowing is not doing. I need to tell myself 'just do your best'. Since it's already this bad, think, what can you do to make it better?