Mix feeling

I'm just scribbling my feeling for the sake of recording.

I thought I have given up on research - end up not.
If I've given up, why do I still feel the fire in me sometimes?

I thought I love research - end up not so.
If I really love research, why going to lab during weekends makes me feel so miserable?

I don't exactly know how I feel now.
And I don't have the energy (and time) to dig deeper either.
I'll just keep doing, keep reading, and keep writing.
I'll get back to this feeling thing once I accomplish my tasks.