June 2013

Yes, June is about to end. And I'm still working on my thesis. The good news is I finally gain some momentum in the writing, thanks to my 'committee of thesis-writing-nagging' which include my hubby, my sis and 2 friends of mine who cared enough and have the experience of permanent head damage - Ringo and Nana. Hopefully I could come up with my first draft in another month or two.

There have been too much distractions and too little self-discipline. Yes, I admit that it's mainly my own problem. I have been slacking a lot. And currently I'm still involved in some activities but I forced myself to sit down in front of the laptop everyday, even though sometimes not a single complete sentence is written.

My benchwork has 'officially' stopped. Finally. Although I cleaned my bench earlier this year and started thesis writing, I still got to lab in May and June, to do an experiment that I've repeated many times yet never yielded anything. And I told myself last week if I failed, I'd stop. Ended up I still went to lab this week but this time it's for good - to confirm what I saw is reality and not an imagined occurrence out of desperation. I remembered last week when I spoke to my reverend through Whatsapp - before I started the experiment - asking him to give me some blessing, he replied: you need to have self-confidence and a heart of giving/offering  (布施的心). And I asked further what does it mean by the heart of giving/offering (in my current context), he explained 'the heart that you want the outcome so that you could contribute to mankind, not for the sake of your own graduation' (结果不是为了毕业，而是为人类贡献一己之力). And it banged in my head! I have started off my research many many years ago (when I chose my master research topic) with the intention that I hope to find cure for cancers some day. The reality of cancer research is that finding a cure is not as easy as one thought, but I could still contribute as a small piece of the puzzle, even with negative findings, to help paint the bigger picture so that scientists out there who are more capable and resourceful will someday find a way to fight cancers.

Frankly speaking, I'm uncertain of my future path - what I'm gonna do etc - but I am and I will write my thesis with this intention in mind, at least until I completed everything that I'm supposed to. 不忘初心啊！