My mind is a little disturbed (or frustrated?) since this morning. Perhaps it's due to my carelessness yesterday that caused my protein to swim in blotting buffer after a whole day's effort? Or maybe because I'll be officially in my forth year on the 7th this month?
Whatever it is, I really really really wish I could grad as soon as possible! (As in NOW?) But then I look at the list of stuffs that I have to get through before I can claim my Doctor of Philosophy title: optimisations, experiments, experiments, more experiments, data analysis, analysis, more analysis, validation, fine tuning, reading, reading, more reading, writing drafts, corrections, re-writing, more corrections...and just right before the end of the list, there's a big VIVA! Mind you, it's not the car 'Viva' but Viva @ thesis defense.
Arrrrrrrrghhhhhhh!!!Why can't it be like some sort of an exam, that you study and learn everything by heart, then just go and pour everything out? Why has it to be so demanding? And dragged over such a long period of time that it starts challenging one's mental strengths?
A friend's friend quited PhD 2 years ago after 3 years of her pursuit for the reason that she wanted to have a life. And I heard another friend of mine just quited her PhD 2 or 3 months ago to go for a permanent government job. Perhaps it's just this same feeling that I'm having now. Uncertainty of everything and not achieving anything. Like you are neither here nor there? Like you are walking down a never ending path...
I know I need to overcome this emotion and not let it drag me down. And I am aware that it could be one of the most important stages in my study. My boss@mentor used to say: PhD is not about how smart you are but how determined you are. Maybe I should break things down to smaller, achievable goals. Small goals that will help build up my road to the ultimate goal. I want to finish things up!
5 comments:
so ngam i wrote something abt my very routine life, yet enjoying it, turned to here and saw you here.
keep it up, we both equally know it is not easy. think of me (or someone else in the corner), squatting in a lab, repeating thousand times of one single protocol to get something possible, including dream, tiny one.
Dont quit, I know I will call you Dr.Ma one day ^ ^
it is stupid to think of quiting ur phd now!!! just make ur lab life a routine, dicipline urself and set a series of timeline to urself.
There is no short cut to get ur phd!! Be focus and spend more time on priority thing, ie RESEARCH!!
hey girls, dun worry, i never think of quitting. i'm just saying perhaps i understand now why those people quit. it's just an emo babble of mine. i know it's not easy and no shortcut. i spent weeks and months reading and considering before i decided to go for PhD. And I won't let go until i reach there! 我安好！
^ ^
给你鼓励的同时，也在给着自己。
我们都一样的。加油。
敬致以上三位智者,
愿您们都没有失落、没有痛苦、没有病痛，愿您们在付出的同时能有贵人相助早日出离苦海，衣锦还乡。愿您们都能快乐，永远快乐。
HG 合十
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